Wet Eagle by Pete Wuebker
My mother’s wisdom, like that of my father, was shaped by childhood experiences during the Great Depression. Mom’s acumen lay in appreciating perseverance and classicism. Pearls in her repertoire were delivered by example, such as the love of literature and poetry, and the virtues of hard work. Others would surface within the conventions of everyday life, brought forth as bromides when we ailed from being passed over, or when we were stung by prickly interactions.
“Sometimes,” she would say, “you just have to act ‘as if,’ ” and then briskly turn to the task at hand.
This saying was far more puzzling than the others she used, such as “consider the source,” or “cleanliness is next to godliness, ” or “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” and “don’t try to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” While I thought about all of them when they were proffered, I always wondered in particular what “as if” might be.
As a young adult fresh in the working world, accepted advice for a new hire was to dress for the job you wanted, not the one you had. My merchandise manager, a lovely man, kindly took me aside prior to my first New York trip as a newly promoted buyer. He suggested I spend my upcoming paycheck entirely on a more suitable wardrobe befitting my position. What remained unsaid was exactly how abominable my appearance must have been. I wasn’t acting “as if.”
Later, during the first of many different sales education venues, I learned that the best thing you could do while phoning a prospective or existing customer was to force your face to smile. The change in voice can be heard over the wire. I tried it, it worked, and I’ve used it ever since. The funny thing was, after a while I felt happier when I did.
Over the years, I’ve inspired self-confidence by acting as if. Having been repeatedly stricken by Impostor Syndrome, I was secretly thrilled that others admitted to throwing up in the bathroom before presentations, or laughing hysterically in the parking lot after a big deal was put together.
Now that I look back, I understand that my mother had been given many opportunities to act as if. The first woman in her family to attend college, she earned a master’s degree at night while teaching school before her marriage to my dad. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40th year, she underwent a radical mastectomy. Mom mustered a positive defiance that staved its recurrence for twenty years. She met other challenges with dogged determination. Life wasn’t always great, but she frequently acted as if it were.
One of the most deprecating responses I heard out of my teenagers was, “Oh, Mom, AS IF!” It encapsulated their aversion to something that might not be true, or to someone with pretensions. In their language, “as if” passed judgment on the insufficiently authentic.
More recently, self-help gurus like Eckhart Tolle and books like “The Secret” reference the Law of Attraction to tell us that we have more control over our circumstances than we might think. If we act as if we already have what we want, so they say, there’s a better chance of it manifesting itself in our lives. We need to be open to the prospect. This is why I drive around in my Jeep acting “as if” it’s a Mercedes, no?
All kidding aside, we’ve undertaken a daily experiment at my franchise’s production studio. My project manager, Edward, and I enumerate several reasons why we are the luckiest people in the world every morning. On its face, this characterization is far from the truth for either of us, but no matter.
Today, the “Lucky List” started with a cellphone photo of Edward holding his newly born twin granddaughters from last night. My contribution was that I noticed my annual bout with Seasonal Affective symptoms seems to be elsewhere this year, and attributed it to the Lucky List. We’ve been acting lucky for several weeks now, and other tenants in the building have remarked that there always seem to be good-natured vibes and laughter emanating from our suite. We’re starting to feel lucky, too. My franchise is busy and customers are ordering more gifts than last year, despite the recession. Things could be far worse.
I know my mother was on to something all those years ago with her reminders. Acting “as if” protected her from life’s buffeting headwinds. So, too, was her advice meant to protect me. Nowadays, it cultivates an attitude of gratitude that is contagious.
Acting “as if” may not start out to be an authentic representation of how we feel at the moment, as my mother well knew, and as my teenagers couldn’t seem to get past without a great deal of coercion. Its power is in the magic of transformation when we fool ourselves into seeking, and then becoming, the better.
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Peter and Betsy Wuebker are location-independent professionals who share what they know about travel, simplicity and integrating work with life. 
I was on Yahoo and found your blog. Read a few of your other posts. Good work. I am looking forward to reading more from you in the future.
Tom Stanley
Oh, Betsy, you are so WISE.
I tend to be on the cynical side. It is with great effort that I have been teaching myself, over the past few years, to become more grateful.
Acting “as if” goes against my nature. But I am willing to give it a try.
Oh Betsy, this is a beautiful story. I swear, we must have had the same mother. As I read those sayings I was nodding, saying “yes, I remember that, and that…”. I love how your mother taught you the “as if”. So many books have been written based on that philosophy. Remember the one, “Dress for Success” (or something like that?) And…smiling when you answer the phone. Me, too.
So much can be achieved by just changing our beliefs. Like you, I also use it in our business and amazingly in this recession, we are not lacking for work. I’ll bet you’re also using “as if” with your blog, too, as it keeps getting better and better.
Barbara Swafford – Blogging Without A Blog´s last blog post..When The Green Eyed Monster Strikes In Blogosphere
I LOVE THIS!!! Yes, yes, yes!!! A LUCKY LIST!!!
My husband’s grandmother used to say, “If I say it enough, eventually I’ll believe it!” I’m sure that’s one of the “lesser lessons” from the “as if” school of thinking!
I’m starting a lucky list right now!!!
Kathy @ Virtual Impax´s last blog post..Steps to Starting a Small Business: #6 Setting Your Rates
Lovely writing and I am just stuck here today wandering through all your posts and pictures
This is such a good lesson to hold on to – like seeing your mum’s hands when you are sewing or peeling potatoes…nice to hear the come home – to phrases and smile then and when I answer the phone… some are good habits already
I will share this little funny from my Grandmother, as we prepare to prepare a feast next week….when we were all helping in the kitchen, she would suddenly get frustrated and say: “If you would kindly move your fat, fashionable, well groomed carcass, I could get my work done here” and we all shifted…
Don’t know if it was wisdom, but it surely got everyone a chuckle and in a kind and blessed mood!…
Thank you for your good words
Patricia´s last blog post..Hat’s Off to a House
Hi Vered – Thank you! But no, it’s more that I’m old! You get more of a chance to think, classify and observe the longer you’re around. And judgment tempers and mellows, too. Let us know how your experiment goes!
Hi Barbara – It’s those good old Midwestern Depression-era values, isn’t it? My business partner and I talk in these old adages, seamlessly and sometimes we combine or bifurcate the cliches, hahaha. I’m glad you enjoyed this one, thanks!
Hi Kathy – Doesn’t the Lucky List sound a little Pollyanna-ish? But I’m here to tell you, it has made a huge difference. We ARE lucky! Thanks.
Hi Patricia – I’m betting we’re kindred spirits from what I’ve read on your site. I’m so glad you are enjoying yourself here, and thank you for all the supportive comments as you’ve looked around.
Hi Betsy. I’ve experienced the As If. It works!
It keeps that inner critic at bay too because you are kept focused on the being and not questioning the doing
Davina´s last blog post..Video — Preparation Inspires Self-Confidence
I adore the As If. You can get a lot of miles out of it if you drive it well.
Writer Dad´s last blog post..Redbook… An Excerpt
I’ve heard there’s a saying in AA, “fake it till you make it.” I don’t really believe it myself. Overdressing can be as career-killing as underdressing. But then, I’m cynical.
I wish I could remember all of my grandmother’s quaint expressions from growing up on a farm.
FlyLady, the cleaning guru, always tells people not only to smile on the phone, but also to be fully dressed, including shoes. I know that if I answer the phone in my pjs, I feel a lot more insecure than if I’m fully dressed.
Dot´s last blog post..One Heartbreaking Day
Hi Davina – Yes, it really does, almost like magic! It’s a way of tuning out the self-inflicted negative noise. Thanks.
Hi Sean – Exactly. As If just keeps filling the tank, doesn’t it? Especially when we don’t think there’s a station for miles. Thank you.
Hi Dot – I agree, there’s a line between over-dressing and looking just a little sharper than the average bear. I hear you on the pj’s phone thing. It’s almost as if we think they can see us. I feel guilty when it happens later in the morning than it should! Thanks.
Wonderful article Betsy! I love this idea of acting “as if” – as being/acting/believing what we desire! And, your example in your office – what a perfect story to fit this.
Winter is setting in here in the midwest – dreary days, early nights. But I’m not going to let that stop me from acting as if this is the greatest time of the year. Indeed, it is what we make it!
Thank you for reminding me that I can decide how I see my world…
Lance´s last blog post..Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Hi Lance – You must be prone, like I am, to a darker mood when the world darkens. This year, it has been marvelous not to feel that way. It is the greatest time of year in many ways – holidays with family and friends coming up! Thanks for the supportive comments.
Dear Betsy,
I found you via Matt via Zoe lol.
This is a fab post. I struggle with depression but for some reason today this just really ‘got’ me. I just wrote down my own list, and so many ideas came through: the number one being that I had lots of lovely mummy cooked food and that I had all the books I needed for my upcoming essay and that I’m on my way to world domination
I’m going to write about this in my next blog post, which was originally about dressing for success, but the idea here is clearly the same.
LMA x
lastminuteacademic´s last blog post..Fast or Slow? The Thursday Morning Revelation
Hi Tom – Welcome! Thank you for visiting. For some reason you were stuck in Akismet.
Hi lastminuteacademic – Welcome! I am so glad you benefited from this post. My mother used to say, “I don’t have time to be depressed, there’s too much work to do.” Now I see it as a variation on as if. I think she struggled with it, too. I will check your blog for your post. Thanks.