“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.” – Douglas Adams
When I was growing up in small-town Michigan, our family often took a “Sunday drive.” Many times we ended up out in the country, traveling any number of meandering back roads, taking in the scenery of lakes and woods, and kicking up a lot of dust in our wake. One Sunday, we came to a large dip in the road under deep water from spill on one side. My father inched up to it, intending to ford, but our screams stopped him. He backed up for about a quarter mile before turning us around to go another way.
We had no destination that day other than to return home to a chicken in the oven. But I often wonder what might have happened should we have continued through the flooded area. Would we have been stuck in the mud with water seeping in under the floorboards? Or would we have emerged safely on the other side, crawling to higher ground? It seems we were destined not to find out. Or were we?
Families of words, just like families of humans, are comprised of different members, all springing from the same ancestors. When we speak of a “destination,” the word itself is derived from “destine,” which comes out of the Latin: destinare. Destinare is defined as a force of action by a god to fasten down an outcome. Ancient theology gave the mythological gods power over man by the ability to influence the future. The more modern context can refer to what is chosen or intended by ourselves, but there still is an element of fate to which most of us ascribe from one time to another.
Destination’s first definitions in the Oxford dictionary refer to a “purpose for which something is destined” or the “act of appointing, setting aside for a purpose,” before finally “a place to which one is journeying.” Destiny is “a pre-determined course of events” (pre-determined by whom?), and when we destine something we set it “apart for a specific purpose or place.” Finally, the red-headed stepchild to the family appears to be the adjective “destitute” – “lacking something needed or desirable,” or “suffering extreme poverty.” Are we destitute without destination, perhaps?
I was intrigued by the relativity contained in the modern context, where we seemingly have appropriated the ability to determine our own destiny from the gods. It matches up nicely with our desire to be in control of our lives, achieving strong results in accordance with our goals, and generally, mapping our journey. Raised Presbyterian, which means I was educated within a Calvinist doctrine, I can’t just shake off the likelihood that my life is pre-ordained.
It’s important to me, though, to be the “captain of my soul.” So, I’ve compromised by believing that yes, we have the ability of free will, but God knows the outcome that will transpire no matter which choice we select. It’s handy, that. It reminds me of those children’s books where if you believe the hero should do one thing, you turn to page 46, or if you believe they should do another, then you skip to page 50.
There’s a preponderance of self-improvement and productivity information everywhere for the taking. There are methods for getting things done, stopping the dithering, setting goals, evaluation tools, and organizing. The message seems to be that the destination is somehow more easily achieved if there is a spareness to the journey, unencumbered with ephemera or clutter. I’m all for eliminating excess noise and knowing where I’m going, but I wonder what we’re losing if we never take a side trip, or stray altogether from what we think is the plan.
The man who can’t dance thinks the band is no good. – Polish proverb
There is also a preponderance for seeking one’s destiny, as if it might be just out of reach. We consult astrology, numerology, tarot, or other methods to foretell our future. We are compelled by our destitution; we find the knowing necessary or desirable. Ten or more years ago, a psychic read my palm and told me I would have five children. Newly divorced at 44 with two kids, I laughed derisively. Now I’m married to Pete, and our brood numbers his three plus my two. We might think or hear, “I was born to do this work,” or “I am destined to do this eventually.” Isn’t, too, our destiny now?
When Pete and I think back about the choices we’ve made in life, we were amazed at how profoundly we changed our destination from the simplest of them. Some choices to which we gave very little thought, or dismissed as unimportant, have had the most impact. It seems as though serendipity contains more risk than we might think.
Deliberate destination, conversely, can keep us from discovery and surprises. Some might feel caution rules the road and back up to take a different way, like my Dad did for us long ago on a Sunday. Others might bravely plunge into the watery dip and keep moving toward the other side. What makes that happen? Does it depend on the day?
I still like to invoke the accidental delights of the Sunday drive whenever I can. I much prefer the back or side roads to the freeway. I’ll say, “turn here and let’s see what we find.” This drives Pete up the wall sometimes. He likes to get where he’s going, and generally has a plan on how to do it. If there’s a choice, he’ll likely take the freeway in a straight line – even if it means we’re stuck in traffic. I’d always rather take in something unexpected. Sometimes he’s willing to indulge a little meandering when I ask, though. Ultimately, the memorable is what we see along the way.
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Peter and Betsy Wuebker are location-independent professionals who share what they know about travel, simplicity and integrating work with life. 
I have a funny story that sort of fits in with your story here, as I believe simultaneously that we can slightly affect our course but that things also happen for a reason, and have a habit of working out.
I especially like the “I wonder what’s over there” way of thinking – anyway, here’s my story.
We want to move to New Zealand – and here’s how we got to that point.
I am a Linux nut (actually, a computer nut overall) and I was looking for a project to which I could contribute my time. I found the documentation project for KDE4 (I didn’t think I would be a coder, but I would be able to write documents).
It turned out that the project leader is a nice young lady who lives in New Zealand. She’s also a photographer.
Her photos were so beautiful they made me want to cry. A feeling started to build inside of me.
I knew I had to go there, it was almost a feeling of belonging – I belonged there, it was my predestined home.
Finally my wife and I went to visit last year for vacation. On the third day she asked, “when can we move here?”
It is a lovely country, ideal for us and we can see ourselves living out our lives there.
So we are working on it.
Random chance, or meant to be? I am not sure, and it doesn’t even matter. But I *know* we will probably end up there.
Or maybe not. Whatever happens, it is meant to be and it will be wonderful.
I’m just glad I decided to click on that link one day back in 2005.
Brett Legree´s last blog post..the game.
Hi Brett – That’s it, exactly. When you intuitively know or recognize where you need to be, and you’re there, even if temporarily. I felt it near Denali. There’s a pull, like you say. You may be there forever, or you may be there for a very short time, but either way it seems meant. Appreciating that is happiness. Thanks.
Hi Betsy. Brilliant! The most fun experiences I’ve had are those that were spontaneous. Sometimes a side road can be a shortcut to your destination. As you said, on that day you were destined to return home to that yummy chicken in the oven with your family.
I feel that a lot of life is left up to chance and chances don’t come our way unless we set out on the journey. The ego likes to figure things out to get a handle on life and to find answers, but really what it’s trying to do is find something to get a hold of to control things.
I had a psychic reading over 12 years ago while I was living in Toronto and she told me (completely out of the blue), that I would be living in Vancouver in 5 years. It happened, despite me not even having considered that option. Two years later after I’d forgotten about this I started meeting people from Vancouver and found myself curious. Within 3 years I had decided to make the move AND then remembered what she had told me.
So, I do believe there is some sort of “plan” or destiny, but we are free to take whatever turn in the road that invites us.
Davina´s last blog post..Akemi Gaines On Intuition, Dreams And Spiritual Guidance–Interview Part 2
Betsy, I can’t even begin to tell you how I felt reading this post! It’s AWESOME!! I love your introspection, how I can almost literally see your mind taking its twists and turns.
But it’s also so meaningful, your post! Your Sunday drives were just like ours every Sunday, though we often got out and picnicked and walked as well. But right down to the chicken (or roast!) in the oven…
And then the etymology—I’m a huge fan.
And then the message about destiny and life and free will and choices and predestination! So much to think about. I grew up Catholic but attended a Christian Reformed university. When it came time to Reformation Theology and the predestination topic I was always intrigued by how everything needed to be reconciled. I see how you’ve done it: that while we have free will, God yet knows what choices we’ll make. I tend to think the same way.
steph´s last blog post..Speak Up
Hi Betsy – Michigan, Sunday drives on country roads, chicken in the oven…Yup! Me, too! Those were great memories. And, like you, I enjoy getting off the beaten path and exploring what’s out there.
I agree, we can change our destination very easily. It’s just a matter of making that simple shift. Although it can be scary, the outcome will often be better than we ever imagined.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog post..NSNBOTWs – 2 Gals From Down Under
Hi Davina – When you realize the psychic was accurate long after, it’s a weird feeling, isn’t it? And yes, growth of opportunities occurs exponentially when we take advantage of some of them. Without spontaneity, life would be one-dimensional. Thanks.
Hi Steph – Thank you! Be very afraid, our brains work in strange ways. I just remarked to Pete the other day, “Hang on! You’re a linear thinker, I have to look at this in a web pattern, AND talk about every little piece of it!”
Hi Barbara – I wonder if we were ever on the same back country roads?
Just when we think we know where we’re going, something can come along and change everything, eh? That’s the fun part. Thanks.