Hi Patricia – One of my children was what Mary Sheedy Kurcinka labeled a “spirited” child. I loved how she turned “difficult” into something positive. And it sounds like you had your hands full, but that the skills you developed turned your situation into something positive,too. It’s when we really can’t see the potential for a return on our investment that we have more difficult decisions to make. A friend of Pete’s and mine has decided to soldier on, making sure he is a daily, positive influence on his grandchild despite the crazy-making ways of his daughter, the mother. There’s a special nobility in these decisions such as you made. Thank you.

Hi Sara – I want to thank you again for your shout-out to our e-book in your post, The Nature of the Beast. You did a fantastic job assessing these difficulties – very perceptive. Thank you, too, for your remarks on this post. It’s amazing to me that people would think the kind of tactics your supervisor used would lead to productive work. On what planet?

Hi Jannie – Yeah, wouldn’t it be great if life came with an owner’s manual replete with a section for Snappy Comebacks! Haha! Thanks for your continued support of this project. I’m so glad it helped you!

Hi Hilary – You’re right, in many cases it is simpler to end the situation. Sometimes we can’t be expedient in doing that, though I find it’s easier for me to do so nowadays. Finessing an issue or walking on eggshells is just “too much like work,” as my dear husband is fond of saying.

It’s simpler to end the situation without getting drawn in too deep if possible .. I admire people who’ve been able to work on controlling their emotions in difficult situations. It’s waiting for the right time and the right place to address the issue, otherwise things get really out of hand. I’m sure I’ve walked away in the past .. just to be free and away …
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Women – how much education have women had in the past 2,000 years? =-.

Life’s too short, as Davina says.

I do recall being especially impressed with that section of your book that deals with those assertive come-backs. Real tools. I wish everyone could read your e-book! As I said before, it helped me tremendously, and I didn’t even realize I had a toxic maven in my midst.

xo
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Beautiful Austin, Texas — Through A Donut Hole =-.

It’s nice to have such practical strategies for approaching a difficult person. I liked your examples and the idea of setting your boundaries.

I have run across some difficult people and haven’t always known what to do. One in particular, a supervisor, selected me as his delegated person “who could do no right.”

He would wait until we were in a meeting to correct me. He’d even correct me about things he had told me to do. Everyone seemed to love this guy, but I found him horrid. I eventually left that place of work. I always regretted, however, that I never stood up for myself.

Therefore, I appreciate this post all the more for giving me options should I encounter someone like this man again:~)
.-= Sara´s last blog ..The Nature of the Beast =-.

It is a skill worth having and you spelled it out well here. Thank you
.-= Patricia´s last blog ..Ecotopia ~ Ernest Callenbach, A Relook at an Inspiring Book =-.

I’ve gotten to “that point” in my life, too, where I’ve “fired” the toxic people that once occupied it. What a difference.

I still remember says something like, “oooooooh, I see SOMEONE woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning”. It added a little bit of humor, got the point across that I wasn’t going to “play the game”, and made them look like the idiot they often were.

A blank stare can work well, too. Especially if you have that look in your eyes that says, “are you for real?”

I’m with Dot on walking away when someone is yelling. If there were to say (yell) “I’m talking to you!”, I’d say, “When we can talk like civilized adults, then I’ll listen”.

Like Davina, I also enjoy observing and learning about human behavior. Often when we just sit back and watch, not only what someone is saying, but their body language, it speaks volumes.
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Oh Please, Dont Tell Me I Need To Learn This =-.

Hi Dot – Great technique! And yes, physically removing yourself from the premises of an unacceptable interchange is a good idea, as well, although the difficult person may mis-characterize that as flight. One that I hear frequently in Minnesota and Michigan, where I’m from: “Is that right.” Said with just the right amount of downward inflection so that it’s not a question, but a statement. Thanks.

Hi Lori – Just so your talents don’t go unappreciated! And yes, consciously minimizing the effects these types have is very empowering. Empowerment can seem very elusive in certain situations. Thanks.